,

YAAAAAS!

We took the Sainsbury’s cookie taste test and now we’re about to puke. STANDARD!

Whip your chunkometer out


We always fancied ourselves as a team of masterchefs. We’ve watched ‘The Great British Bake Off’ religiously since it came on air and we’ve learned one thing and one thing only.

Being the baking experts that we are it was only natural that we took it upon ourselves to judge every baked item around us, and seeing as the MP! Team already had a pile of every single assortment of Sainsbury’s cookie in front of us, we decided to do an experiment. Now this is real science.

We decided to rate 8 different types of Sainsbury’s cookie using the following very scientific categorisation:

  • Moistness
  • Bingeability
  • Chunkometer
  • Shapeliness
  • Satisfaction

Here’s how we ended up ranking the cookies from worst to best:

8. Soft and chewy Belgian chocolate and coconut

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 0/10
  • Bingeability: 0/10
  • Chunkometer: 2/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 0/10

Comments: Grotesque. I feel like my mouth has been violated.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 1/10
  • Bingeability: 1/10
  • Chunkometer: 5/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 2/10

Comments: Just no.

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 2/10
  • Bingeability: 1/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 3/10

Comments: Who puts coconut in a biscuit?!

David:

  • Moistness: 0/10
  • Bingeability: 0/10
  • Chunkometer: 3/10
  • Shapeliness: 6/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 1/10

Comments: Positively vile.

Overall cookie monster rating: 2.45

7. Belgian white chocolate and raspberry

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 6/10

Comments: Aesthetic not on point. Bit crusty round the edges.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 7/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 6/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 6/10

Comments: Not enough raspberry.

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 4/10
  • Bingeability: 0/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 6/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 2/10

Comments: Fruit no.

David:

  • Moistness: 3/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 9/10
  • Shapeliness: 1/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: White chocolate nicely off set by the tart raspberry.

Overall cookie monster rating: 5.85

=5. White chocolate

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 5/10
  • Bingeability: 8/10
  • Chunkometer: 6/10
  • Shapeliness: 6/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: Bit lacklustre and disappointing.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 6/10

Comments: Bit too crunchy.

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 4/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 7/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 8/10

Comments: Yum!

David:

  • Moistness: 4/10
  • Bingeability: 4/10
  • Chunkometer: 6/10
  • Shapeliness: 3/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 5/10

Comments: Crusty. AF.

Overall cookie monster rating: 5.9

=5. Milk chocolate

Evelyn: 

  • Moistness: 0/10
  • Bingeability: 0/10
  • Chunkometer factor: 0/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 0/10

Comments: Not an equal distributed of chunks. It was so hard I didn’t even get a chunk. Dryer than the Sahara desert.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 2/10
  • Bingeability: 3/10
  • Chunkometer: 2/10
  • Shapeliness: 6/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 3/10

Comments: Cookies should not break like that.

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 2/10
  • Bingeability: 1/10
  • Chunkometer: 2/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 1/10

Comments: Mary Berry wouldn’t be impressed. What happened….?

David:

  • Moistness: 1/10
  • Bingeability: 4/10
  • Chunkometer: 2/10
  • Shapeliness: 8/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 4/10

Comments: Good shape, bad taste.

Overall cookie monster rating: 5.9

4. Triple Belgian chocolate cookie

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 4/10
  • Bingeability: 2/10
  • Chunkometer: 8/10
  • Shapeliness: 9/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 4/10

Comments: Don’t like chocolate based cookies, too overindulgent.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 4/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 9/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: I’m milkophobic and lactophobic.

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 3/10
  • Chunkometer: 8/10
  • Shapeliness: 9/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 5/10

Comments: I’m done after one.

David:

  • Moistness: 4/10
  • Bingeability: 3/10
  • Chunkometer: 8/10
  • Shapeliness: 9/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 4/10

Comments: Makes me sick to the pit of my stomach.

Overall cookie monster rating: 5.95

3. Chunky Belgian chocolate shortbread

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 2/10
  • Bingeability: 3/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 8/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 4/10

Comments: Equal distribution of chunks. I wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Where ma crumble at?

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 5/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 9/10
  • Shapeliness: 8/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: FAVE!

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 5/10
  • Bingeability: 6/10
  • Chunkometer: 8/10
  • Shapeliness: 9/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: It’s shortbread… It’s supposed to be dry. But I do like a square.

David:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 1/10
  • Chunkometer: 10/10
  • Shapeliness: 10/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 6/10

Comments: A mixed bag. Satisfying aesthetic but dry AF.

Overall cookie monster rating: 6.4

2. Salted caramel Belgian milk chocolate

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 8/10
  • Bingeability: 8/10
  • Chunkometer: 6/10
  • Shapeliness: 10/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 9/10

Comments: It’s a beaut. Good rhombus shape. Good value for money.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 8/10
  • Bingeability: 7/10
  • Chunkometer: 5/10
  • Shapeliness: 5/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 6/10

Comments: HUGE!

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 5/10
  • Chunkometer: 7/10
  • Shapeliness: 8/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: Ooh ah dunnah…

David:

  • Moistness: 9/10
  • Bingeability: 8/10
  • Chunkometer: 5/10
  • Shapeliness: 1/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 8/10

Comments: A bit too sickly sweet.

Overall cookie monster rating: 6.8

1. Oatmeal and raisin

Evelyn:

  • Moistness: 7/10
  • Bingeability: 5/10
  • Chunkometer: 2/10
  • Shapeliness: 8/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: Good contouring. Autumnal vibe. Kinda drying afterwards.

Sophie:

  • Moistness: 6/10
  • Bingeability: 4/10
  • Chunkometer: 5/10
  • Shapeliness: 8/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 7/10

Comments: I like the cinnamon but it’s very overpowering.

Sarah:

  • Moistness: 7/10
  • Bingeability: 10/10
  • Chunkometer: 8/10
  • Shapeliness: 9/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 10/10

Comments: GET IN MA BELLEH!

David:

  • Moistness: 10/10
  • Bingeability: 10/10
  • Chunkometer: 8/10
  • Shapeliness: 10/10
  • Overall satisfaction: 10/10

Comments: Makes me feel happy inside.

Overall cookie monster rating: 7.55!!!!!!!

OATMEAL AND RAISIN IS THE MOST SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTIOUS OF THEM ALL! Now find out which cookie you are with our delightfully delicious quiz.

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Written by David Farrell

David is the Head of Content at Maximum Pop!

Having studied Russian and Spanish at the University of Leeds, David moved to Moscow to work in the education sector. Upon returning to UK soil, David initially immersed himself in the wonderful world of MP! as a music writer.

Now head of all things content, David takes being a music fanboy to a whole new level, and can often be found dancing like there's nobody watching to 'Shout Out To My Ex', obsessing over Lauren Jauregui and defending Taylor Swift's honour.

David once appeared on TV in Armenia. Apparently, "it was awesome".