Cheryl, P!nk, Smiler, The Script, Ne-Yo. MP!’s gran reviews the week’s singles…

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Her favourite pop star’s Cilla Black, her hearing aid’s seen better days, and she last bought music when they came on discs made of plastic, but Granny MP! knows a good pop tune when she hears one. Here’s what she thinks of this week’s releases from Our Chezzah, Ne-Yo, Pink, The Script and Smiler. 

Cheryl – ‘Under The Sun’
Maybe it’s the burden of old age and perhaps my memory isn’t what it used to be, but wasn’t this song released ages ago? I remember because I sat down and watched the music video from start to finish before I realised it wasn’t an episode of Corrie. I like it anyway. None of that dubstairs or whatever it is all the kids are listening to these days. Just a nice tune that you could whistle if you didn’t have false teeth.


Ne-Yo – ‘Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)’
I really enjoyed this song until I broke my hip dancing to it in the kitchen. Ever since then I can’t listen to it without remembering the three weeks I had to spend in bed watching Cash In The Attic and Loose Women instead of zooming round the park on my mobility scooter with Wendy from down the road. If it makes me dance on my arthritic joints it must make everyone else dance, so I’m going to give it…


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The Script – ‘Hall Of Fame’ feat.
Oooh, I do like Mr. O’Donaghue. He’s an authoritative judge type on a TV show about real music, and he’s got the type of face that makes me think he’d offer to pack my bags for me at the supermarket. That sounds like a realistic scenario for the future if he keeps releasing rubbish like this. I don’t know what William was thinking being a part of this song. He should stick to Boom Boom Pow-ing or Going Home or whatever he likes to sing about on his own songs. If my rocking chair had a pivot I would turn away in disgust.


Pink – ‘Blow Me (One Last Kiss)’
I always think this young lady should learn to sing instead of screaming, and there’s far too many naughty words in the chorus for my liking. Apparently this song is number 1 on the iTunes machine so I must be the only person who feels this way. Still, I’m older and wiser and I know better so my opinion is right.


Smiler – ‘Top Of The World feat. Tawiah & Professor Green’
I’m suspicious of this lad. The first line of his song suggests he’s after my cheese. I’m elderly and frail, I don’t like to feel threatened. The girl singing the chorus has a nice voice though which is a bit more reassuring. I suppose Mr. Smiler is only being so aggressive because he’s showing off in front of the bigger boys. Namely Professor Green. Who I am also suspicious of. I don’t think that man has a degree of any sort.


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Written by Maximum Pop!

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