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Rebecca Ferguson Vs A Cucumber


Welcome to Pop Star Vs A Vegetable. This highly scientific experiment is tasked with finding out what’s better – greens or Professor Greens? This week X Factor graduate and silver medallist Rebecca Ferguson goes up against the divisive cucumber. Keep reading for the results…

Popularity

Rebecca Ferguson has developed a semi-big following and came second in the 2010 series of the X Factor (otherwise known as ‘the last X Factor with our Chezza in it’).

A cucumber is used in a lot of salads but no one really eats it (or likes it – be honest).

Rebecca – 1  Cucumber – 0

Love life

Rebecca Ferguson famously dated One Direction hottie (but not as cute as Harry, let’s make that clear) Zayn Malik before the pair broke things off.

A cucumber has never dated anyone. It’s the geek of the vegetable world.

Rebecca – 1  Cucumber – 0

Morals

Rebecca Ferguson famously chastised Caroline Flack for maybe dating H. Styles when she herself was dating a much younger man. Read: hypocrital.

A cucumber, as far as we know, has pretty decent morals.

Rebecca – 0  Cucumber – 1

Controversy

Rebecca Ferguson’s biggest controversy was her not winning X Factor over perennial jumper-wearing serious artiste Matt Cardle (remember his album? Neither do we).

Some cucumbers killed 10 people in Spain last year due to a new virus strain – clearly has a bit more of an edge to it.

Rebecca – 0  Cucumber – 1

Taste

Rebecca Ferguson probably tastes like a human being should, something we won’t know about unless we convert to cannabilism (unlikely: a Krispy Kreme’s just opened up near MP! HQ).

A cucumber has a mild taste with slight crispiness that people either love or loathe.

Rebecca – 1  Cucumber – 0

Marketing

Rebecca’s debut album Heaven got to Number Three on the albums chart and sold nearly 140k in her opening week.

Cucumbers have sold a hell of a lot more and are available in almost every shop in the UK.

Rebecca – 0  Cucumber – 1

Location

Rebecca hails from the city of Liverpool, which gave us Desperate Scousewives.

Cucumbers originate from India, who gave us Bollywood and most of Britain’s favoured cuisine.

Rebecca – 0  Cucumber – 1

Talent

Rebecca can sing – pretty damn well, judging by the sound of Heaven (are we still sore about her losing out to Painter Boy? Maybe).

If a cucumber could sing, we have a horrible feeling that it would sound like a cross between the more annoying parts of ‘Swagger Jagger’ and something from one of the Alvin & The Chipmunks movie soundtracks.

Rebecca – 1  Cucumber – 0

Total:  Rebecca – 4  Cucumber – 4

And the results mean that it’s a draw 4-4 between Rebecca Ferguson and the humble cucumber – however, we know which one we’d sooner have round for lunch. Check back next week to see which vegetable will be going head to head with a popstar!

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Written by Oliver Meakings

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