Oh man, I used to love me some lip gloss. Strawberry flavour, to Coca Cola… to anything that would add a bit of pizazz to the old face slugs. I used to spend my life buying the glitteriest gloss, where at times my hair would fly in the wind and get stuck on my lip, and I’d have to spit out the hair… It was actually quite a disaster. But there was no getting past it – I was the king of gloss. It was so fetch.
Nowadays, it seems that gloss isn’t half as cool. Lipstick is well and truly taking over – ladies wanting to ‘Get the London Look’ with a Kate Moss red lippy, Ariana Grande killing it with her own MAC lipstick – what next? I miss the gloss.
But don’t worry – for I am bringing it back. And what’s more, I’m making it myself.
Ponder this for a minute – if you mix your snazziest eyeshadows with some petroleum jelly, surely you’re making a lip gloss for all the ages?! SURELY?
Let’s take a look.
So I took the ever so gorgeous Naked Palette 3 by Urban Decay, and just your bang average, run-of-the-mill petroleum jelly from the back of the cupboard. You can begin (I speak as if I know what I’m talking about with this – I don’t) by putting some of the jelly on the back of your hand, and slowly dabbing in some of your favourite colours.
I began with ‘Dust’ – a twinkly, lovely baby pink shade. It worked quite well – like Nivea Pearly Shine if you’ve ever seen that – and it looked quite sassy and went on well. So far so good!
It all got a lot darker – literally – as I moved on. I went for darker and darker shades, including ‘Factory’, a shiny brown, and I started to get cocky. I even started thinking – wow. I look like Jenny Humphrey when she turned really gothic in ‘Gossip Girl.’ I rock.
So I got EVEN DARKER, with a colour called ‘Blackheart’ (sinister) and I was astounded. Why doesn’t everyone do this? I’ve started a revolution! I wanted to scream from the rooftops.
But all good things must come to an end, and this was one of them. Don’t get me wrong, it was one hell of a ride – but soon enough my lips were completely dry. A Sahara desert dry that frankly no petroleum jelly could fix. After about 10 minutes I could barely crack a smile without my lips cracking. And that, my friend, was where I called it a day.
I haven’t brought gloss back, but I have brought a warning – don’t mix your eyeshadow with petroleum jelly. It’s just weird.