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Ed Sheeran Vs A Potato


Welcome to Pop Star Vs A Vegetable. This highly scientific experiment is tasked with finding out what’s better – greens, or Professor Greens? This week, ginger singer Ed Sheeran goes up against the much-loved potato. Here’s the results.

LOOKS

A potato is not the best-looking veggie in the shop but it’s a potato so that’s okay.

Ed Sheeran looks like a potato with ginger hair, he’s meant to look like a man so this is not okay.

Ed – 0  Potato – 1

ECONOMICS

A bag of King Edward potatoes costs £1.75 in Tesco giving you approximately 8 servings at 21p a meal – bargain.

Ed Sheeran’s album is currently £6.99 on Amazon giving you approximately one hour of melancholy at 58p a track – rip-off.

Ed – 0  Potato – 1

LEGACY

In the 1800s diseased potatoes led to the Irish Potato Famine where 1 million people died.

In the 21st century if Ed Sheeran was to get a cold we doubt anyone would die.

Ed – 1  Potato – 0

HEALTH WARNING

Potatoes are full of starch and carbs which can make you fat.

Listening to ‘Lego House’ on repeat whilst wallowing in self-pity can make you suicidal.

Ed – 0  Potato – 0

ENVIRONMENT

If you stick a potato plant in the ground, leave in the sun and wait a few months you’ll soon have food.

If you leave Ed Sheeran in the sun for a few months you’ll have a severely burnt popstar and a lawsuit.

Ed – 0  Potato – 1

RECORD BOOKS

This man can hold 11 potatoes in one hand – a world record.

We wouldn’t want to hold Ed Sheeran, we don’t know where he’s been.

Ed – 0  Potato – 1

LOOKS

If you stick glasses on a potato it turns into Mr Potato Head.

If you stick glasses on Ed Sheeran he turns into Ed Sheeran in glasses.

Ed – 0  Potato – 1

SCIENCE

You can produce electricity from a potato by making a potato battery.

If you connect Ed Sheeran to an electricity source you’ll end up with Ed with slightly bigger hair and another lawsuit.

Ed – 0  Potato – 1

Total:  Ed – 1  Potato – 6

You heard it here first: a potato is officially better than Ed Sheeran. Check back next week to find out which pop star will be going head to head with a vegetable.

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Written by Oliver Meakings

No dull pop stars allowed.

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