Did Professor Snape teach sex ed.?!

“The slimeball.”

Sexual education must have been on the curriculum right? You can’t have hundreds of teens roaming around that castle without at least a little bit of sexual health information.

But which Hogwarts professor would have been given the task? Madame Pomfrey sure knew how to grow a bone (see: ‘skele-gro’) however she’s probs too busy in the hospital wing. So who would have done it? Let’s work it out…

Albus Dumbledore?

Let’s be real. It would all be in cryptic advice and riddles. It would be GREAT advice, of course, and there might be sherbet lemons to be had at the end… But… nah. We don’t reckon it was Dumbledore.

Severus Snape?

There would be no sniggering or hijinks that’s for sure. However, sex ed in the dungeons… with the meanest guy in the castle? Oof. It would probably look like this:

Sybil Trelawney?

We’d sign up to this class. Hands down. But it 100% wasn’t her. Just imagine…

Like… you’d be sat side-by-side with your mates, a Hermione and Ron kinda situation, and then she pulls this one out:

Gilderoy Lockhart?

Just no. It would all be lies. Big, fat, creepy lies. And no one needs this idiot telling them random crap about their genitals.

9 times McGonagall was a total QWEEN!

QUIZ – How well do you remember Hogwarts? #knowyourfacts

Pomona Sprout?

Welp, whatever happened, whatever rash you caught she’d probably have a plant for that. And we know she’s a firm advocate for protection:

Rubeus Hagrid?

He knows a lot about magical creatures, and how to breed them. So surely he’d be a good candidate to transfer his knowledge from animals to humans. However, would you really want to stand in the Forbidden Forest to learn about the birds and the bees?

Minerva McGonagall?

Stern and sassy in equal measures. She held the dancing classes before the yule ball…

And will suffer no fools…

But she’s essentially a badass. Who else would you actually want?

Who do you think would be best to do teach sex ed.? Tell us in the comments below!

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Written by Sarah Clare

Sarah is the Lead Writer and Design Queen here at Maximum Pop! Sarah holds an MA in Professional Writing from Falmouth University, and a BA in Creative Writing with English Literature from Marjon (BIG UP THE MARJON MASSIVE!). Sarah joined MP! after seeing an advertisement for writers on Instagram – because where else would a design master find their dream job?

Sarah is currently working on an expose on Draco Malfoy in her spare time. But not if his father hears about it.

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