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Ever wanted to vajazzle your Christmas tree? Now you can!


Ah, Christmas. It’s a beautiful time for  getting together with the people you love best and sharing the most intimate of gifts.

And what’s more intimate than a hand-crafted felt vagina bauble which your nearest and dearest can proudly present on their Christmas trees for the rest of eternity? NOTHING, that’s what.

When we discovered Etsy seller ‘Feltmelons‘ *unique* Christmas offering, as you can imagine, we were over the moon.

On offer, Feltmelons has a variety of Christmas tree decs which look just like your fave lady areas, all hand-crafted from felt. And our favourite, is the felt vulva (or fulva, as we’ve now lovingly named it).

Image: Etsy/feltmelons
Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Each fulva is stuffed and embroidered, and the labia are folded to give a multi-dimensional effect (although they are, admittedly, far smoother than the real deal).

And just for that extra-special festive finish, the clitoris is a teeny tiny Christmas bell, which will jingle every time you touch it. Cute.

Image: Etsy/feltmelons
Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Feltmelons recommends holding up the baubles to your ear to ‘hear waves crashing on distant, rocky shores’. We can’t be certain, but we think this *may* just be a ploy to get us all to hold felt vaginas against our ears — but hey, WHEN IN ROME.

Image: Etsy/furmelons
Image: Etsy/feltmelons

And, just as you’d find IRL, the fulvas come in a range of different sizes, so you can opt for a more subtle piece or a MASSIVE STATEMENT TREE TOPPER.

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Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Oh, and if vaginas aren’t your thing, then it’s your lucky day, because Feltmelons also has a range of boob baubles (AKA boobles) on offer.

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Looks like whoever you’re doing for Secret Santa this year is in for a TREAT.

Will you be vajazzling your tree this Crimbo? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

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Written by Rachel Ellen Pugh

Rachel is the publisher at Maximum Pop! Having graduated from The University of Manchester with a BA in English Literature, Drama & Film, Rachel started her media career working in several different start-ups and newsrooms.

Rachel joined MP! after seeing the opportunity to build the site's social channels, and now likes to shout about them wherever possible.

When she's not managing all things MP!, Rachel can be found chasing strangers' dogs for attention, annoying the rest of the team with Ru Paul GIFs, and attempting to become the Mary Berry she knows she is. And failing.