It’s simple if you have a fear of spiders and we mean a real fear, they will always win. It’s the same every time, you can never mentally prepare to see them, they are like a bad ex that you know will pop up at some point but you never know when or where.
So we thought you might share some comfort in knowing this is exactly the same process we all go through. EVERY BLOODY TIME. The 10 stages of a spider completely owning you. In your own flipping house.
1. That moment you first spot them, on the other side of the room. In the corner pretending they are harmless and you know their fight is stronger then yours.
2. You give a warning, to stay on their own side of the room, because mum’s already asleep and there is no one to get rid of him. You’re sure as hell not going to try and catch him.
3. You see him start to stretch his legs and you know he hasn’t listen to your threat. He’s getting too ballsy.
4. Before you can regain control it happens. He’s coming over your side of the flipping room. THE SIDE YOUR BED IS ON.
5. You must keep your eyes on him at all times. The worst thing you could do now is fall asleep and lose him. HE WILL END UP ON YOUR FACE.
6. It’s finally morning, mums almost up and this guy will be checking out soon. So you prep some pay back with a nice shower and a nice loud blow dry.
7. And then it happens. You get in the shower. AND THERE IS THE LADS BIG BRO.
8. You carefully and calmly remove yourself from the shower… making no sudden moments.
9. You hype yourself up to get back in the shower, you’re not going to let them win.
10. Then you lose your cool and make a run for it. You can shower tomorrow.
Damn you spiders.