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Ever wanted to vajazzle your Christmas tree? Now you can!


Ah, Christmas. It’s a beautiful time for  getting together with the people you love best and sharing the most intimate of gifts.

And what’s more intimate than a hand-crafted felt vagina bauble which your nearest and dearest can proudly present on their Christmas trees for the rest of eternity? NOTHING, that’s what.

When we discovered Etsy seller ‘Feltmelons‘ *unique* Christmas offering, as you can imagine, we were over the moon.

On offer, Feltmelons has a variety of Christmas tree decs which look just like your fave lady areas, all hand-crafted from felt. And our favourite, is the felt vulva (or fulva, as we’ve now lovingly named it).

Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Each fulva is stuffed and embroidered, and the labia are folded to give a multi-dimensional effect (although they are, admittedly, far smoother than the real deal).

And just for that extra-special festive finish, the clitoris is a teeny tiny Christmas bell, which will jingle every time you touch it. Cute.

Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Feltmelons recommends holding up the baubles to your ear to ‘hear waves crashing on distant, rocky shores’. We can’t be certain, but we think this *may* just be a ploy to get us all to hold felt vaginas against our ears — but hey, WHEN IN ROME.

Image: Etsy/furmelons

Image: Etsy/feltmelons

And, just as you’d find IRL, the fulvas come in a range of different sizes, so you can opt for a more subtle piece or a MASSIVE STATEMENT TREE TOPPER.

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Image: Etsy/feltmelons

Oh, and if vaginas aren’t your thing, then it’s your lucky day, because Feltmelons also has a range of boob baubles (AKA boobles) on offer.

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Looks like whoever you’re doing for Secret Santa this year is in for a TREAT.

Will you be vajazzling your tree this Crimbo? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

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